I Can Fly But I Want Your Wings
by Bandit1
Summary: "I want to call out your name. But it would give me away. Your name on my lips alone would make them realize who I am."


Title : I Can Fly (But I Want Your Wings)  
  
Author : Bandit  
  
Summary : "I want to call out your name. But it would give me away. Your name on my lips alone would make them realize who I am."  
  
Rating : um... PG  
  
Spoilers : none  
  
Disclaimer : They're mine, alllllllll mine!!! (Yes, I'm a freak, and I love it.)   
  
Author's Note: This is an experiment. Don't try to make sense of every single line. I couldn't do it myself, and I wrote it! Instead, go with the flow, ride the wave, feel the energy, just... whatever. I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes (English is not my mother tongue), and I also apologize to Lamb, who actually owns the title because it was inspired by a line from her (incredibly beautiful) song 'Gabriel'.  
  
I Can Fly (But I Want Your Wings)   
  
by Bandit  
  
1631 ZULU  
  
JAG Headquarters  
  
I don't know what to say to you.  
  
There's something different about your hair. The same color, the same length. But I swear it looks different today.   
  
I see your mouth open and close. I can't hear you. I'm sure you've chosen your words carefully. You think before you speak. It's what I admire about you. You teach me how to think before I act.   
  
With patience.  
  
I nod my head occasionally. You realize I'm not listening. But you're not angry. You just smile.   
  
And then you leave.  
  
If I could move, I would follow you. But I can't. You're too fast. I watch you walk away. I can hear your steps. The sound becoming duller with every inch that you gain in distance. I know you're leaving, but I'm not sure I understand.  
  
You have to know that I would follow you everywhere. Like I've been following you since I met you. Something draws me to you. I'm the moth to your light. And I don't resist. I don't know how...  
  
I simply trust you.   
  
Like I hope you trust me.   
  
We take turns walking blindfolded. Waiting for the other to guide us. As we do. Unknowingly.   
  
I wait for you. To come back to me.   
  
Smile at me. Talk to me. You don't.  
  
Not for a long, long time.  
  
So I wait a little longer.  
  
Eventually, I see a wooden door open to reveal your face.   
  
Your strength.  
  
Your spirit.   
  
I want to call out your name. But it would give me away. Your name on my lips alone would make them realize who I am. Who I've always wanted to be. I can't let that happen. Or maybe I should. You tell me. Can I say the words? Tell me what I can say and what I have to keep to myself.  
  
Don't you think your smile says as much as my words would?  
  
They only have to look at you, and they will know. Like I know. Everything I wanted to know. Thank you. You alone.   
  
You get closer to me, conveying with your eyes what you're not allowed to vocalize. I get the message. And another one. A message that you sent unintentionally. You don't know that I'm holding the envelope in my hands. You don't know that I'm about to open it and read what's written there.  
  
Would you try to hold me back?  
  
Would you take it away from me?  
  
Would you read it out loud to me?  
  
You can smile all you want. I know your secret. And I'll keep it with me. Forever. I promise.   
  
I never break a promise. Like I promised you to remain quiet. I am so quiet, I am barely breathing. I only say as much as I'm allowed to say. I comment on your cases. I give advice. I crack a joke. I even try myself at a compliment...  
  
I shouldn't have.  
  
You frown.  
  
I know I shouldn't have.  
  
I'm sorry. But I won't take it back. I really like your hair today.  
  
And even though you leave, I know you're not angry. I saw the blush. I saw the sparkle. I saw everything that I needed to see to realize that you're not used to this. Men rarely compliment you on your hair. For a second, you were uncomfortable. Taken aback by the words you didn't know you had been longing to hear.   
  
You're confused.   
  
Lost for words.   
  
Flattered.  
  
You should be, beautiful. You have all the reason in the world to feel flattered.   
  
I would tell you this a thousand times over. Every day, if you want me to.  
  
I know I want to.  
  
And I will.  
  
Eventually...  
  
This time I follow you. Like a shadow. Like your guardian angel. I know you don't mind me. You're grateful that I'm there. You're doing well on your own, but it still makes you feel better when I'm there. I can tell just by looking at you. You would never admit it. But I know you. I know you well enough to know.  
  
We complete each other.  
  
You know that, don't you?  
  
Of course, you do. You knew it all along. And again you give me a smile. You've been doing that a lot lately.   
  
Smiling.   
  
A rare smile, almost unknown to everybody but me. A unique smile. Something that you've tried to hide. Why do you do that? Why do you try to hide?  
  
It's what you do.   
  
It's what you have learned to do. I don't resent you. But teach me how to watch this world through your frame.   
  
And maybe I'll understand your fear.   
  
And maybe I will finally be able to break down my own defenses.  
  
Maybe...  
  
You tell me you are getting tired. You want to go home. Want to leave this place. I understand you perfectly. I have wanted to leave this place since I came here this morning. Ever since I saw you.  
  
I wanted to take you.  
  
Home.  
  
To me.  
  
Instead, we sneaked around like thieves in a large house. Carefully we tried to climb the stairs without making them creak. We tried to open closets without spilling the content. We tried to steal a moment without making it obvious that it was missing. And I tell you what.  
  
I don't care if they hear us.  
  
I don't care if they catch us.  
  
As long as it is us.  
  
Not me alone. Not you alone.   
  
Us.  
  
We're in this together. Aren't we?  
  
And together we leave. You are walking right behind me. Watching over me. You always do. You think I'm not conscious of your presence. You think I take you for granted. But I don't.   
  
I sense you.  
  
I feel you.  
  
Intimately.  
  
You are everywhere. On my lips, my neck, my chest. You are my tattoo. Painted into me. Never going to fade.   
  
I won't let you.  
  
We walk out into the open. A breeze of air brushes my cheek. In my mind, I will it to be your touch. But then your eyes tell me that you'll go the rest of the way alone. I know you have to. I won't hold you back. Which doesn't mean I won't miss you.  
  
Until you stand in my door. After I counted every second of every minute. There you are, with that silent smile. Like you've got nothing to say. But then you do.   
  
"Hey."   
  
I can't think of anything more beautiful to come out of your mouth.   
  
I'm nothing like you. Nothing at all.   
  
But I do what I have longed to do. I touch you. Your cheeks, your lips, your neck... Then I touch you again. Touch your lips with mine.   
  
And I breathe you in.   
  
All of you.   
  
Until you move away from me. You leave a little space for yourself to catch your breath. Gaining some time for you to collect your thoughts. Waiting for the right moment to say what's on your mind.  
  
But you fail.  
  
I can see it in your eyes that you've got so much to say.   
  
I happens when you feel so much, but can't find the words.  
  
It happens to me all the time.  
  
Every time.  
  
When I'm with you.  
  
But only now do you understand.   
  
Why I never know what to say.  
  
To you.  
  
THE END 


End file.
